The 3rd A: My Nerd

 The 3rd A: My Nerd

Untied shoelaces, the sixth floor, 

For the first time - I scrolled through my pictures

Reminiscing on being together,

My little brother chose him,

picked him as the favorite;

even my dad liked him,

called him 'man bun' with endearment.

Peanut butter and a gallon of milk

My mom saw how we look at each other, read 

my essay of an email and approves more daily

Dragon stickers, neck pains

Laughter as entwined as our fingers. 

We have years to catch up on

Full-body hugs, ankles crossed,

forehead kisses and tickling ribs

Class schedules memorized, so often just two

against the world, dinners and dorm rooms

Friends mock us, making dirty jokes,

the teasing never stops, I hope we never do

The 2nd A Slug

 The 2nd A Slug

Those last semester pictures;

I posthumously notice how I leaned 

away from him, attention ramrod straight ahead.

Against my will, thoughts of 

him, face cringes, pulls disgust. 

Frogs still decorate my room, gifts

hold no emotional attachment,

because attraction never existed with him,

emotions were passive at best.

Engineers are fine,

but I'll gag at the mention.

My family calls him slug ugly

I laugh along, not regretting,

just wishing it had been shorter. 

I'll never get those two months back.

A nasty part of me celebrates:

the holiday breakup,

a chipped tooth,

those awkward (for him) avoidances.

I moved on the day after,

only fought against the loss of friends for a week

Because 

I found someone better because of him. This

final thought, a cementing thanks, but no more

waste of brain space

The 1st A Bore

The 1st A Bore

He was fine, never more than

passing interaction. 

I don't see him around campus 

but even if I did, hellos would elapse 

emotionless 

and

painless.

Broke up in five minutes. 

I don't remember any of our conversations.

I knew about him from my

sister; his mouth was too focused on mine. 

There's no association with his name,

barely a photo in my phone.

I don't consider him my first anything.

Present on a technicality.

Second Week

Causality of routine

Quiet settling, four chairs,

one warm. Both ears full

of serenades to other deep sighs

A text home dries the leak

of a student, alone

Still content, happy in a

different Routine

NaNoWriMo

 Hi!

As some of you may know, November is National Novel Writing Month (a.k.a. NaNoWriMo). I've known about it for some time, but it always seemed like too big of a project to tackle, especially since November is a big month for school assignments. Not to mention my side projects of training service dogs and learning Korean.

But this year, I'm trying something new! Since the beginning of the month, I've been trying to write everyday and so far my Work-In-Progress is at about 7500 words! 

I literally decided to do NaNoWriMo at 9 PM on November 1st, with no characters, no ideas, and a whole lot of blank pages. For someone like me, who needs a set plan, was a really big deal. But I've had so much fun working through each step of the story and really finding my own creative voice. 

I'll try to keep you all posted on how NaNoWriMo goes and maybe, someday, I'll post my WIP.

Hugs,

Cairn 

Summer: Time

 Summer: Time

Summer before grad

pressure, everything 

to do, seeing all

but none;

ending afternoons inside

scrolling complacent

wanting more of 

the summer idea

Fear Not, Fear Night

Fear Not, Fear Night 

A most beautiful time, filled

with moonlight and intrigue, and calm. 

But for half, also filled 

with danger and nerves. 

Dark is where most is concealed. Concealing love 

and terrifying shadows, 

shadows connected to fear

ones that disappear never 

shadows with bone and blood 

and the soul of unstoppable. 

But for half does the night carry such terror

Only for half