The Shimmering Dark (Part 2)

Well, technically never expected to see in real life.

Let me explain that. At this point in my life, I was used to my unusually vivid dreams. Most of them were just random conglomerations of bits of my daily life combined with a completely nonsense plot-line.

But this thing in front of me something that often showed up in my dreams. I had always chalked it up to some sort of sci-fi idea my brain figured I needed. But now, staring it down, it was definitely something I didn't need.

Whatever this dream thing was, it was almost as tall as a skyscraper and at least as long as two schools stuck together. And it was just floating in the middle of my neighborhood.

I pondered it for another second. Actually, it looked like a giant grandma had strung her dark curtain across the street. Weird.

Once making that connection, I probably stared at it for ten minutes, with a mixture of fear, pure annoyance, and maybe a little excitement.

I started to think, maybe I could finally be like those kids in the books. The ones who got to go on all sorts of wild, exciting adventures. Traveling across magical lands or flying through space.

The insane, impulsive voice chimed in, saying do it! Be who you've idolized!. And my heart sided with that little voice.

No! I thought, I'm not going to just walk through a giant grandma curtain because my heart wants to be a book character. I'll probably die anyway.

Despite all my internal reckoning, I let myself stare at it for a few more minutes.

Then I turned from the curtain and took the other path home.

The Shimmering Dark (Part 1)

Something in the air was different today.

Something in the ground was different today.

Something was changing the world around me.

Making existence heavier, deeper, darker.

The feeling changed in intensity almost constantly, fluctuating in power. Sometimes, but rarely, it just felt as if I had eaten too much. But most of the day it had felt as if this heaviness was trying to push me into the dirt, so hard that I would cease to exist.

I tried all day to shake it off and go through my day as normal as possible, going through the motions with classes, friends, teachers, but every moment felt so off somehow.

In every breath in and out.

In every twitch of my hand

Every heartbeat keeping me alive

Every muscle movement was wrong.

Everything is wrong, my body was screaming at me. Get out, it said, get away from this place and never come back.

I was so tired by the time school was over. I just wanted to get home, get food, and hide under my covers until this awful feeling went away. Or until my mom forcefully pulled me out for dinner. Whichever came first.

I was still lost in a sort of mentally drained daydream when I saw something so awful I felt as if my body was shocked into another dimension. All thoughts of what I was going to do when I got home fell away.

What was in front of me was so glaringly wrong. It was so wrong that on the first actually beautiful day of the year, whatever this was had to appear. In the middle of my little Montana neighborhood, was something I never expected to see. And it was awful.

Alone in Manteiv

It was strange, how I didn't fit in here, even though I should, even though I thought I would. 

I adored it here, don't get me wrong. I loved walking the streets, watching the sun rise and set, learning as much as I could about the culture, the language, and the people. But despite how much I loved it, it didn't love me back.

I had moved to Manteiv to study, more specifically study the language. So I did. Now I can say confidently that I am nearly fluent with the standard dialect and I'm learning the other dialects slowly. 

At least, school is easy here, for me at least. The tests match how I remember information so I ace one after another. But school quickly gets lonely if every day is spent alone, alone but surrounded by people staring at me. 

I tried to make friends, I really did. I talked to kids in my classes. The kids in my neighborhood. I talked to the kids that hang out in the parks after dark. The kids that worked in the convenience stores near my apartment. Most of the time they were pleasant and curious, making small talk with me, but as much as I tried none of them really wanted to be friends. 

So I was alone, but I was working on it. I stayed in touch with my friends from home, keeping those friendships strong. And I wasn't going to stop trying to make friends here, eventually I will find that person that won't stare at me, amazed at my skin. And I will make a dear friend with that person, so that even if our friendship falls apart, I will have hope that I can find another person, who won't stare.

Lies and Liars (Part 4)

Once I realized that I only had two choices, the decision was easy.

I would go to Etia and give Alaska Hess her book myself or face punishment from the Elders, exile or... worse.

Immediately, I started, a solid plan motivating me to move, pack, work as fast as possible. In a flurry of action, I packed all I thought I would need. Food, clothes, tools, and of course, Alaska Hess's book.

OK, I thought, staring out into the black abyss of space, Etia the corner of my vision, you can do this. 

I stepped off what had been my work, my home, my one safe place in the universe and I fell into space.

And I fell.

And fell.

And fell.

I fell.

I didn't grow up wanting to be a mechanic, nobody did in Etia. No, being a mechanic was reserved for the people who were deemed damaged goods, damaged brains. The people who didn't fit into Etia's perfect ideal of a lifestyle. Most often, mechanics were low-level criminals, people who stole, people who vandalized, the one's with desperate minds, the hidden needy. 

I hadn't been desperate because of being poor or hungry, nobody was on Etia. I was desperate because I needed an escape and that wasn't allowed. 

From afar, Etia was paradise. Nobody was hungry, poor, cold, disadvantaged. But if anyone from the Creches bothered to look into what was actually happening, they would find that Etia wasn't as perfect as it was designed to be. 

Everything from sports to hobbies to school had at least seventeen rules in place to supposedly keep it running smoothing. But with the rules, I always felt closed in, restricted to the point of death by suffocation. 

So I rebelled. At first it was little things like putting away my school supplies a little bit different, then taking notes different, then not taking notes at all. I kept pushing my limits to see what I could do different. I never got caught, probably because no one cared to look at what I did anymore. 

Then, I pushed too hard. Hard enough to break.

And when it broke, my whole life collapsed around it. 

And I fell.

Maybe poems

Silver Hawk
The bright silver gas-hawk,
stark against navy clouds,
humming and buzzing far above

Darkness warming
The morning sun warms my dark clothes,
the grass beneath my toes soothes my frozen skin,
the birds flit by and sing, brightening my eyes and ears,
the life and love around me warms my darkened heart

After The Swim
Stiff skin, damp hair,
smell of chlorine in the air

Still Threatening
Surrounded on all sides by trees,
bigger and better than us,
we stood our ground and claimed our fame

Trying To Be Still
Grinding of a distant engine,
burrows into my thoughts,
interrupting my peace of self

Above The Birds
High above the warm earth,
the clouds cast gray-blue shadows

Before Sun
Covered in sticky sunscreen,
car loaded with toys and fun,
off we go into the sun

Burning Lake
Pointed silver wings
red hot walls carved
into waves of sunstone

Hard Rock Life
Rocks abound, deep green water,
determined plants, grow a little smarter

Naked Chickens

Coming home to this place still gave me a feeling of disbelief, as if ever after seven months of living in the castle on the hill, my brain still couldn't comprehend it. Shaking my head, I finished pulling my car into the garage.

Everything about living in a castle was amazing! From elegantly walking down the stairs just to feel fancy to the food to sliding down the ancient hallways hand in hand with Archer. I smiled remembering my first few nights in the castle.

Archer and I had only been married for a couple of hours. And still, I felt as if I was walking on water every second because of how impossible the whole matter was. A servant girl marrying the prince of one of the strongest nations in the world? No way could that ever happen, much less to a luck-less human being like myself.

When I walked into the kitchen, I snapped out of my memories by the sudden onslaught of smells. The kitchen was my second favorite place in the castle, and it always smelled amazing! Multiple foods were being waved in my face for me to taste. Without even thinking about it, I opened my mouth to the flood of amazing food. Feeling way too full for so early in the morning, I waved to my friends and continued on.

Honestly, even though the walk from the garage to my rooms was almost ten minutes, I enjoyed every minute of it. Just the act of walking through the hustle and bustle of castle life is completely calming after my day at work.

I finally reach my rooms and instantly collapse on my oh-so-soft bed. "Archer?" My voice is muffled by the mattress. I sit up and call out again. "Archer?"

A faint voice responds to my call from three rooms away. "Yeah? Come here!"

I pad through the rooms towards him, socks buffeting the cold tile. When I walk in his room, he is sitting sprawled on the couch, hands over his eyes, his laptop thrown opposite him.

"Oh, dear." I'm already giggling. "What has happened here?" I move his legs and sit down.

Without opening his eyes, he wraps his arms around me. "I just Googled what chickens look like without feathers, and I'm severely uncomfortable."

I laugh at the sheer absurdness, the prince of a powerful country, broken by a naked chicken.

"Don't laugh! It's freaky!"Archer point to the open laptop, "Look! Just look!"

Still laughing a little, I reach and pull the laptop to me. Right in the middle of the screen is a living but plucked-looking chicken. Everything about the picture is made slightly off by the weirdness of a naked chicken. "You're right, it's really weird." But not weird enough to warrant this reaction from a prince.

"I know!" Archer finally opens his soft eyes to look at me.

I close the laptop and put it down on the coffee table. I turn, so my arms can hug him comfortably and he rests his head on my shoulder. "Don't worry, I won't let any naked chickens get you."

Excuse you, Demon (Full)

An elderly woman sitting on a rocking chair opens a thick book and says, "This deary, is how I met the love of my life." She starts rocking and begins to read.

Feet pounding, I could slowly feel the weight of home's problems lift off my back. This feeling was the reason I ran every day. It felt as if I just kept running, all my problems would float out of my life and I would be free.

Running. It's my hobby, my past time, the only escape from the hell that is my life. It was the routine I needed when everything else fell apart.

As always, my mind wandered as my body pushed on. I knew the route so well that I often closed my eyes as I ran. Today, I thought about what my life would be like after school ended, after leaving my past behind me.

As I came up to the first curve, I opened my eyes. My eyes caught something unexpected. Within the shadows of both the approaching night and the tall trees overhead, hid a person. Or maybe it wasn't.

I stopped short, more out of surprise than of fear. The figure was shaking with seemingly silent tears, its face buried in it's hands.

Oh no. As always, one of my ill-timed sneezes tickled my nose. "Ah-choo!" The sneeze burst out of me like a water balloon hitting its target.

At my sudden noise, the figure jumped and turned around with a screech of surprise and terror. Somehow, I managed to hold back my own scream.

Now that I could fully see the figure, I realized how otherworldly it was. It was a basic human-like shape, but every possible detail was strange and different. The skin was a ghostly gray and was decorated with orange, moving tattoos that almost looked like portals. From its head sprouted two horns, similar looking to deer antlers. Dangling from one horn was the most unlikely accessory, a fedora. The figure's eyes locked on mine.

Now feeling very uncomfortable and slightly scared, I cleared my throat and timidly said, "Excuse me, Mr. Alien, sir?"The second the words came out of my mouth, the figure's face morphed into a mask of anger and resentment.

"Excuse you, I'm a DEMON." A raspy voice replied indignantly. "How typical, humans not knowing the difference between an other-world creature and an outer-world creature." The demon muttered under his breath.

Now, I'm a person who gets angry relatively easily, but some things send me over the edge more than others. Two things in the top five are muttering under your breath and assumptions. This so-called demon was making me very angry very fast,

I squared my stance and curled my hands into fists. "Excuse you, you rude demon," I scoffed on the word demon, making the fury in my voice even more evident. "Two points. One, how in the world am I supposed to know the difference between a demon and an alien if I've never seen either. And two, I honestly can't take you seriously in that stupid fedora." My voice rose sharply and I nearly shouted the last word.

The demon's face seemed to crumble as I finished my rant. The tears that had disappeared when I scared the demon came back full force. The previously sure-of-himself demon flopped on the ground, in a waterfall of tears.

Now collapsed on the trail, the demon began to speak between gasps of teary breath. "I'm... sorry I assumed... that you.. were being... ignorant. I...I... I'm sorry I spoke so rudely. And... and about the fedora,... I can't... actually get it off. Some... kids stuck it... on my horn... and I can't... reach it." The demon buried his face in his hands again and sobbed more forcefully than before.

Apparently, all of my good choices have gone out the window at this point. I sat down next to the shaking demon and awkwardly patted his back. "Well, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten so angry at you. You really weren't that rude."

We sat like that for a while, me feeling awkward and out of place and him too busy crying to care about much else. Finally, I stood and shook off the trail dust. I turned and offered my hand to the recently dry-eyed demon. "I've got a run to finish. Wanna come with me?"

"Really? After all that and after you know what I am, you still want to be around me?" He sniffled and blinked up at me.

"Yeah, I guess so. You don't seem like too bad of an alien."  We both smiled at the joke. He reached up and grabbed my offered hand and stood.

"Alright, explain this human concept of running to me."

After much explained and testing to see if demons could run, we were ready to set off. "All right, one last thing before we start, there is a bit of a uniform to running." He looked at me confused. "No fedoras!" With a laugh, I reached up and pulled the hat from his horns, ripping it more in the process. "Done! Let's go!!" We dashed off together.

"The end." The elderly lady closes the books with a dreamy look on her face. "Actually what the book doesn't say is that we ended up running all the way to his house, where I meet the rest of his family and what was eventually my family after we got married." She smiles at the also elderly demon beside her, squeezing his hand.

"And that's really the end of the story." They say together.

Lies and Liars (Part 3)

I wake up the next morning, feeling only slightly better. I can feel the crushing anxiety still lingering on the edge of my mind.

Feeling stressed and worried, I stare out my porthole window towards Etia. Watching the watery planet float in space has never failed to calm me, ever after my worst attacks. I let myself stare for a moment longer, before continuing to my workroom.

The aftermath of last night is spread over the entire room. Books are scattered everywhere and a couple of small tables are lying on their side. I sigh and begin to clean.

As I work, I think back to my first few days working at the lie center.

The day I started at the lie center was filled with disappointment... and sadness.  I left my family home very early that morning to get to the deployment area on time. That morning had been a tear-filled one, for sure. Everyone in my family had cried, including me, because we knew it would be years before we saw each other face to face again.

At the deployment area, there were more tears as kids who had been friends since kindergarten if not since birth. We had been trained for years and years together and now we were separating forever. The kids who had hated each other for years were now hugging and crying together. Slowly, groups of us started to pull ourselves together and go to the assigned areas. 

The terror I felt as I stepped into the space elevator for the first time is incomparable. The panic in my chest at the doors closed and we began to rise was nearly enough to cause a panic attack. Once we reached the top, some of us boarded space shuttles to far-off planets, others simply hopped on a satellite bus to nearby space centers.


I didn't do either of those things, I boarded a one person pod that would take me just outside of Etia's gravity to enter the lie center I would spend the next twenty years of my life at. 

As I docked the space pod at the center, I could see a robot inside of the building, waving...

I snapped out of my mind as I looked down at the book in my hands with amazement. It was titled "Alaska Hess". How I had lost it or how I found it wasn't important right not, it was more important that I had it now.

There were two opinions now. I could alert the Elders and tell them about my mistake. Or I could venture down from my comfortable center to Etia and find Alaska Hess myself.

Lies and Liars (Part 2)

I rush to the bookshelf filled with the completed lie books. I scan the names, over and over. No Alaska Hess.

I spin in a circle, desperately scanning the room. The dread of messing up and disappointing the Elders was like an anvil on my chest.

"Where could it have gone?" I run a panicked hand through my dark hair. I can feel the pressure building in my rib cage and closing my throat with terror. It was like being underwater and seeing all light fade away as I sunk deeper and deeper.

I can no longer see straight. The bookshelf in front of me is fading in and out of focus. Feeling suddenly dizzy, I sit down hard, jarring my head. I'm shaking all over.

I try to get my breathing under control, just like Doctor told me.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Slowly. Painfully. I regained some control of my body.

Using the last of my energy, I drag myself into my cot. Ole Bertha and Alaska Hess will have to wait until morning.

Lies and Liars (Part 1)

Everyone gets a book filled with the lies people have been told on their 18th birthday. But someone must track the lies. Meet Samuel, or as the LCHX calls him, Sammy. He is responsible for making sure the lie collector machines run smoothly and that every person in his district gets their book on time.

Waist deep in a lie vat, I hear a familiar concerned whirring behind me. "Ole Bertha has broken down again, hasn't she? LCHX? " I call to the robot hovering. 

"I'm afraid so, Sammy. It appears that the inscriber has broken and impaled the lie paper. Again." LCHX moves to perch on a table, swinging its leg. 

I twist and wiggle my way out of the vat. "Really? That's the ninth time this month." My face and arms are covered in both machine and lie grease. "I give up! Can you send a request to the Elders to see if we can get another lie center to help?"

LCHX's gears twist and turn as the message is sent out. An automated response appears on its chest a moment later. 

The Elders have received your request. Please expect a response in 7-9 Etia rotations. 

"Thanks, LCHX." I glanced at the clock. It was nearly 5 o'clock Etia time. "LCHX, isn't it time for you to get to the dock so you can make it to your next lie center?" I turned to address the friendly robot, but it has already left. 

I sigh and start to clean my work station. As I do, I come across the schedule for all the lie books I need to deliver in the Shiel quarter. Most of them have been delivered, but the last one on the page hadn't been marked off. I frantically scan the page, hoping against hope I'm wrong. But to no avail.

Alaska Hess. 718 Trovel Street, Abry District, Etia.

I've forgotten one in my daily haste.

I yell and curse to no one.  I check the time again. 5:02. Too late. 

Blog Status Update

Hi to the followers of my blog,
As you may have noticed, the name, layout, and theme have all recently changed on my blog. This is because over the last couple of months I have chosen that I want to pursue writing as a career as I continue in life. Don´t get me wrong, I still love birds and will continue my activities involving birds, but more as a hobby. Now that I´ve said that, back to the blog. I´m not completely sure of what will be posted on this blog, but it will be a place where I try different styles of writing and experiment with my writing.
Thanks for sticking with me,
Cairn

A New Bird Club

A couple of years ago, a close friend of mine and an employee at a popular hiking and birding spot approached me about starting a teen birding club. I happily said that I would be interested and would be happy to help set it up. Fast forward to the present. After finding some other like-minded, bird-interested teens, the plan for a teen birding club has been started and we are currently in the process of writing a proposal to give the Board of Directors in hopes that they will sponsor our club. Hopefully we will get approved and we will move forward with planning meetings and activities.