The Shimmering Dark (Part 2)

Well, technically never expected to see in real life.

Let me explain that. At this point in my life, I was used to my unusually vivid dreams. Most of them were just random conglomerations of bits of my daily life combined with a completely nonsense plot-line.

But this thing in front of me something that often showed up in my dreams. I had always chalked it up to some sort of sci-fi idea my brain figured I needed. But now, staring it down, it was definitely something I didn't need.

Whatever this dream thing was, it was almost as tall as a skyscraper and at least as long as two schools stuck together. And it was just floating in the middle of my neighborhood.

I pondered it for another second. Actually, it looked like a giant grandma had strung her dark curtain across the street. Weird.

Once making that connection, I probably stared at it for ten minutes, with a mixture of fear, pure annoyance, and maybe a little excitement.

I started to think, maybe I could finally be like those kids in the books. The ones who got to go on all sorts of wild, exciting adventures. Traveling across magical lands or flying through space.

The insane, impulsive voice chimed in, saying do it! Be who you've idolized!. And my heart sided with that little voice.

No! I thought, I'm not going to just walk through a giant grandma curtain because my heart wants to be a book character. I'll probably die anyway.

Despite all my internal reckoning, I let myself stare at it for a few more minutes.

Then I turned from the curtain and took the other path home.

The Shimmering Dark (Part 1)

Something in the air was different today.

Something in the ground was different today.

Something was changing the world around me.

Making existence heavier, deeper, darker.

The feeling changed in intensity almost constantly, fluctuating in power. Sometimes, but rarely, it just felt as if I had eaten too much. But most of the day it had felt as if this heaviness was trying to push me into the dirt, so hard that I would cease to exist.

I tried all day to shake it off and go through my day as normal as possible, going through the motions with classes, friends, teachers, but every moment felt so off somehow.

In every breath in and out.

In every twitch of my hand

Every heartbeat keeping me alive

Every muscle movement was wrong.

Everything is wrong, my body was screaming at me. Get out, it said, get away from this place and never come back.

I was so tired by the time school was over. I just wanted to get home, get food, and hide under my covers until this awful feeling went away. Or until my mom forcefully pulled me out for dinner. Whichever came first.

I was still lost in a sort of mentally drained daydream when I saw something so awful I felt as if my body was shocked into another dimension. All thoughts of what I was going to do when I got home fell away.

What was in front of me was so glaringly wrong. It was so wrong that on the first actually beautiful day of the year, whatever this was had to appear. In the middle of my little Montana neighborhood, was something I never expected to see. And it was awful.

Alone in Manteiv

It was strange, how I didn't fit in here, even though I should, even though I thought I would. 

I adored it here, don't get me wrong. I loved walking the streets, watching the sun rise and set, learning as much as I could about the culture, the language, and the people. But despite how much I loved it, it didn't love me back.

I had moved to Manteiv to study, more specifically study the language. So I did. Now I can say confidently that I am nearly fluent with the standard dialect and I'm learning the other dialects slowly. 

At least, school is easy here, for me at least. The tests match how I remember information so I ace one after another. But school quickly gets lonely if every day is spent alone, alone but surrounded by people staring at me. 

I tried to make friends, I really did. I talked to kids in my classes. The kids in my neighborhood. I talked to the kids that hang out in the parks after dark. The kids that worked in the convenience stores near my apartment. Most of the time they were pleasant and curious, making small talk with me, but as much as I tried none of them really wanted to be friends. 

So I was alone, but I was working on it. I stayed in touch with my friends from home, keeping those friendships strong. And I wasn't going to stop trying to make friends here, eventually I will find that person that won't stare at me, amazed at my skin. And I will make a dear friend with that person, so that even if our friendship falls apart, I will have hope that I can find another person, who won't stare.